5 Obstacles in Dating for Healthcare Workers and Gentle Reminders (Part One)
Last month, I decided to do a project. I interviewed some healthcare female professionals near me to see what it’s been like in the dating world. These 6 women ranged from 29 to 60 years of age. I assumed their dating experiences would more different than similar. They proved me wrong. With their permission, I'm including their responses to what this blog will focus on: obstacles in the dating world. I will use different names for privacy.
5 Obstacles in Dating for Healthcare Workers as Women
As many have experienced, dating takes energy and effort. As human beings, we tend to long for connection with others. We want a sense of belongingness. We all come from various backgrounds growing up with attachment and relationship, thus dating may also be different for each person. Dating comes with its obstacles. After speaking with women health professionals, I was able to identify several obstacles that occur in the world of dating. Here is part one:
Negative beliefs about being a single woman. Society developed the belief that women should marry by a certain age. If a woman isn't, some will already assume something is wrong with her. 60-year-old Lynn, a healthcare professional, stated, "There's like a whole prejudice in my family about single women." Whether through culture, religion, or simply tradition, these negative beliefs cause emotional wounds and self-doubt.
Having to tone down one’s intelligence for fear of intimidating or driving someone away. As a healthcare worker, you come with knowledge, credentials, experience, education background. Getting to your career was no joke! You’ve invested time, money, and energy. But some people may not know how to handle that. Lynn expressed, "I always had to tone down myself, tone down the smarts, not be too bright." She and other women in healthcare have come across rejection due to their career. As a result, some of these women became more reserved on how much information they share. This is due to fear of being shun away again.
Feeling unseen or overlooked. You worked hard to get where you are at in your career and personal life. You're established. However, Beth, a 31-year-old woman in healthcare, observes, "I have a car, I have a house, like I just paid off my car. And I think that's part of the struggle that I've seen is a lot of the guys that do check a lot of those boxes tend to seem to go after girls that need rescuing as opposed to more like that equal footing, which is interesting."
Having no energy for dates due to feeling tired from work. Being a helping professional in the healthcare field can involve a lot of communicating. You speak with coworkers, patients, patients’ families, leadership team. So, it is no surprise when after work, you…just cannot. Kathy, a 34-year-old therapist, reports feeling like her "social battery is just drained.” Beth mentions, "I think one thing, especially in the field of healthcare and…the mental health field, is that I spend so much time talking to people throughout the day. I don't really want to be trying to think that hard outside of work. So, even like small talk conversation…how do I even respond to this person or things like that? I don't have as much energy to do that because I'm working a more intensive job."
Smaller dating pool. This could be due to age. Lynn expresses, "I am finding that the older I get, the less the dating pool is." It seems like the older you get, the more you must sort through who is available. On one hand, some are already in committed relationships. Oppositely, others may be recovering from the end of a long-term relationship.
4 Reminders During Dating Dilemmas
Social constructs are not facts/truth. Yes, different cultures, groups, etc. have their set of beliefs, perhaps for generations. They can help with making sense of the world around us. However, some are outdated social constructs. I remember as a little girl, I thought I'd be married with a new house and my first child by the age of 25. That was not my reality. So, although some families or groups of people may see a single woman in her 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. as something wrong with her, it doesn't mean this is truth. Everyone’s journey is different, especially when it comes to relationships. Everyone is flawed (single or not) and this does not mean we are a hindrance or unlovable.
Own your intelligence, talents, credentials, knowledge, everything. You deserve to. If someone else sees your background as a negative (or intimidating), this is something they will need to reflect within themselves. They will need to seek why. I'll admit - I’ve done that before. When I would witness someone with more money, for instance, I held some resentment. I had to look deep within myself and find out why. I worked through that. This was not their doing; I had to reflect and work within myself. If someone overlooks you even with your accomplishments, that’s okay, too. You deserve someone who is equally yoked and willing to be a teammate.
Give yourself grace, especially in those moments when you feel tired with no energy to go on a date. Being in the healthcare field does come with its challenges and some days are harder than others. If this is your case, it is okay to just go home and be to yourself. You deserve that time to decompress and regroup. You are only human.
Even as the dating pool shrinks through time/age, honor your values. There may or may not be as plenty of fish in the sea. But there is so much beauty to you, to your values…nothing should dim your light. You have values and standards for a reason. You’ve learned from past experiences what it is that you should look for in the next partner. These include the positives, negatives, and the things that are imperfect.
Dating, simply said, is not easy. This is especially true for women health professionals. Juggling between a busy career with dating comes with its challenges. Just know that you are enough. You are seen and you are not alone in this, just like these women I interviewed had many shared experiences. Stay tuned for the next few blog entries for more obstacles, reminders, hopes, and fears from these women!